Two weeks ago, in preparation for a medical procedure, I went on a liquid diet for 12 hours then fasted for 38 more hours, only having a single cup of tea 26 hours before the event. The end result? The doctors found nothing. I guess that’s good (at least better than stomach cancer), but being …
Tag Archive: medical mishaps
Jan 28 2010
Pick up your phone, Senators!
I tried calling my Senators today to get them to stop being a bunch of cowards and start acting like Democrats (you know, the majority party in a state that’s largely democratic) and push health care reform. I couldn’t get through to Schumer (no voicemail? really?) and Gillibrand number sent me to Verizon (not that …
Jan 04 2010
Adventures with Cancer part II
Since you waited a whole year (come on, that’s funny), here’s the conclusion of just one of my many health problems. Enjoy (not that anyone but Paul seems to have read the first one).
Dec 31 2009
Adventures with Cancer part I
See, I told you all I would get a new comic on this site before the end of the year! here’s the conclusion
Nov 19 2009
Should I be Concerned?
My recent surgery scar had a hard, sharp bump in it. Well, that “bump” has popped and now I have two ends of stitches sticking out of me. OK, this picture isn’t of my scar, but I thought it looked delightfully nasty.
Oct 24 2009
My Life in the Hospital Epilogue
The world didn’t stop. Tons to catch up with and barely the fortitude to make it through the day. No idea how this all happened to begin with; no idea if it could happen again. Must rest up; litany of test are on the horizon. Use a cane to walk. Don’t need cane to walk, …
Oct 23 2009
My Life in the Hospital Day 7
[Please forgive the delay in posting. I've been dealing with stomach pain and other such issues resulting from my surgery. Typical.] Shower, take a brisk walk, make some calls to catch up with work and friends, that’s the plan. Past time to go home, avoid this infectious atmosphere, get some rest and get back to …
Oct 20 2009
My Life in the Hospital Day 6
Largely established a routine at this point. Walking, pissing, sleeping off morphine. Nurses and doctors make rounds. Nun, Minister, biology student, Jewish outreach volunteer, therapy dog as well; sounds like the beginning of a joke. Started liquid diet: salted, warm, tan colored water; apple-juice; coffee and milk (forbidden to have either); and cherry jelly. Never …
Oct 19 2009
My Life in the Hospital Day 5
It’s the smells. Every sent is pungent, unavoidable, and overwhelming. Sweat, urine, feces, halitosis, gases expelled from both ends, antiseptics, medicines, detergents and soaps, perfumes, even materials such as plastics and leathers are olfactory assaults. It has become painful just to breath. Fantasies take on new meaning in the hospital. Victoria Secret girls, infinite funds, …
Oct 18 2009
My Life in the Hospital Day 4
Hospital is freezing. They do an ultrasound on one leg (they were suppose to do both, but then they were suppose to do the ultrasound yesterday) to see if their are blood clots. Left waiting in a wheelchair in a hallway. Four times attempt to get the attention of a secretary. Finally acknowledges with “WHAT?!” …
Oct 17 2009
My Life in the Hospital Day 3
Ten pounds underweight yet IV arm and legs are swelling to obese proportions. First steps in the hallway, dragging my tubes of morphine, glucose, antibiotics, antacid, and catheter with me. Hospital looks just like the last one I was in, which looked just like the one before that, which looked just like the one before …
Oct 16 2009
My Life in the Hospital Day 2
Out of ICU and in gen pop. First sign was the orderly shoving me off the gurney onto the plastic bed that will be home for the next week. Can’t see well due to morphine, but hearings fine. Homeless woman screams in agony, hippster rants at his roommate/staff/management/doctors, deranged septuagenarian complains that he hasn’t been …
Oct 15 2009
My Life in the Hospital Day 1
Bed Bugs. That was my concern as I left my apartment as work had bed bugs. Maybe that’s why I ignored the ever increasing pain in my gut; ignored it until the sweat dripping in my eyes made it as hard to see as the fact that my classroom was spinning. I knew I was …
Oct 14 2009
My Life in the Hospital
Since Halloween is fast approaching (the store down the block has been advertising for it since after Labor Day), I thought it might be good to put a scare to my readers (all four of you). No, not ghost and goblins, but more mundane fears such as a tale of madmen cutting open an innocent …
Jan 28 2009
Just go with the fluoroscopy
I hate barium. I hate having to chug that vile paste while dehydrated and hungry. That’s why I should be happy that the procedure I was scheduled to undertake today was canceled. It was another fluoroscopy (although I didn’t realize it before hand). It seems neither my doctor nor those doing the procedure noticed that …
Jan 23 2009
RIP ABS
There was only one time in my life that I felt good about the way I looked. Four years ago, having been single for far too long, I started a strict regiment of exercise. After all, I can’t change my face, women obviously cared nothing for my wit or intellect, so only my body could …
Jan 02 2009
Fun with Fluoroscopy
Due to my interminable health problems, my doctors must have decided it was better to have me die of radiation poisoning rather than admit they have no idea what is wrong with me, never mind how to make me well. Therefore, after an inconclusive CAT scan, I was sent for a Fluoroscopy. This procedure takes …
Dec 13 2008
Scanning for Cats
I just had a Cat Scan, one of the many and constant medical procedures I consistently go through in the vain attempt to keep myself alive for another day of misery. I never had one before and want to warn others that the procedure, which only take a few minutes, involves (after a 12 hour …
Nov 19 2008
The Gift of Giardiasis
Ah, the holiday season is upon us and I already have my gift. It seems I have Giardiasis. What’s that? Well you could click here for an in-depth description, or I could just tell you that it’s an intestinal parasite that I caught through eating/drinking something infected with feces (that’s pooh to you). I’m not …
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